Unashamed with a Side of Imperfections

I am very far from perfect and embodied of imperfections.  I know, I know, it’s extremely hard to believe!  I am only human.  I do make mistakes on a regular basis, and probably more often than I realize.  I will say things, unintentionally, that may be offensive to others, without even realizing it.  I may have done something, unknowingly, that may have hurt someone’s feelings.  Admittedly,  I know I’ve done someone wrong as opportunity presented itself, to where it haunts my conscience.  Regardless, it’s my life’s story, which I hope may inspire others. Without poor choices and mistakes made, valuable life lessons would not have been learned.  Hopefully, because of these learned lessons, I will instinctively know how to better handle and/or conduct myself in future situations, if and when they ever arise.  Life is an ongoing adventure faced with undaunting obstacles.  I have grown up having high expectations of myself.  Now that I am somewhat grown up, I have learned to show myself more leniency and to be more self-forgiving.  Or  I can just do or think the obviously easy response to everything from now on and just say fuck it. 😊

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Sentence Served

Been hostage long enough.

Guilty as charged.

Exhausted from holding onto it.

Self-sentenced internal punishment served.

Time to forgive myself.

Time to love myself.

Time to let it go.

I accept my gift of self-forgiveness.

Thank you very much.

 

 

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Anchor or Lifesaver

lifesaver_and_anchor_postcard-r9f07313f09674e61ac72e232f3337caf_vgbaq_8byvr_324(Photo from Zazzle.com)

Why do I feel the need to be the caregiver to all? Is it my ethnicity? Or just in my nature? I’d say it’s a combination of both. I swear, I do this at home, work, and whenever I feel the need to step in. It’s a blessed or coursed instinct I have. Watching my Mom, specifically, while growing up, she made sure to cater to house guests and ensure everyone was comfortable, fed delicious, homemade food 24/7, and treated everyone like part of our family. I thought it was fun, but didn’t realize how much hard work and effort she put into everything she did. As an adult, I have more of an appreciation of her kindness and generosity. I sometimes wish I was that kid again. Wouldn’t it be awesome not to have any adult responsibilities??!!  No work, no commuting, no bills, no worries, just play all the time!!

Caregiver can be viewed twofold. Giving care to another in need, but all the while not realizing by doing this, taking care of your inner being, or soul. I really don’t mind it for the most part. It can be self-rewarding to know I’m doing good to others, but when I find myself bitching and moaning either out loud or silently under my breath, accompanied with an attitude of an ass, I have to stop and pause. I remind myself that it’s out of responsibility and obligation that I put this upon myself. I chose to do this and nobody forced me. Okay, maybe a little guilt may have a hand in my decisions. Mind you, it’s not dreadful or agonizing, but at times it can take a toll on me, physically and emotionally. That’s when I know it’s time to give myself a break, and do a little something-something to pamper myself. It could be just as simple as a trip to the nail salon, or buying a little bling for myself. Did I mention I should take stock in Brighton Collectibles? That’s another story in itself! Even writing on this dang blog is therapeutic and cathartic.  Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease does run in my family. So, I would hope that if I ever needed care during my older years, that someone would provide care for me with a kind heart and compassion.

Alrighty-then, it’s 1:30 a.m. PST, so now I’m able to go to sleep with a clear conscience. (I think)  Thanks for reading my ramblings and have a fan-frickin-tastic day!!

Simple Yes or No

Isn’t a simple yes or no question supposed to be simple???  It’s never the case when I ask of a specific elderly adult, whom shall remain anonymous, and I’m not talking about my parents. It gets to the point of me feeling frustrated and irritated to where I want to scream!

“AAAAAHHHHH!!!”

That was me screaming. Thank you for your attention. Now I need to go find me some patience.