I have always been told to “Follow your heart”. I’ve come to the realization and have come to terms with that the heart wants what the heart wants. It just knows all. Rather than beating yourself up and being torn to pieces, just stop, then remember to just always follow your heart. It’s that simple.
Life is full of surprises. People come into your life and choose to actively remain. Then there are others. Those people who are placed into your life for purpose and reason, may end up leaving unexpectedly. . . slow and easy, or like a bat out of hell! Those are the people who teach us life lessons. Either way, the experiences are what we chose to live during those moments. I’d like to consider my shared experiences as happy moments, without an inkling of regret or reservation. Those moments become memories over a lifetime. There are numerous experiences and memories that I love to share and talk about with others. Then, there are specific experiences and memories I choose to keep to myself. Honestly, I could write an autobiography that would make for excellent reading, raise an eyebrow, or turn a head! As tempting a task it may be, I refuse to put myself through tortured drama at this point in time in my life. Although, I’ll never say never to the notion. There is a high probability that I will eventually, but only when the time is right. Those specific moments are my treasured and intimate memories that I choose never to be free from. They are my personal and cherished collection of a lifetime full of happy moments. Each day I keep adding to my wonderful collection.
The months of August to January were a whirlwind of life events. First time meet-ups, new friendships, impending divorce, holidays, then marriage reconciliation. A new discovery of feelings and self-love had risen within me. Courage and strength surfaced and peaked to their highest levels. A voice that was once suppressed is now clearly heard loud and proud. I’m falling in love again and on a daily basis. It’s only the beginning of my new life. Good things happen each day, and still, the best is yet to come.
(New Tattoo: My Virgo zodiac sign & plumeria symbolizing my life’s new beginning )
I wrote this very short poem as a dedication to those Guardian angels, specifically to one, who watched over my husband and kept him safe the other day after his accident. I was told by a very special person who they were and what they did. I had expected and was not surprised to learn of the one, but when told the other, I honestly was not too pleased to learn of. As difficult as it will be for me, I know deep in my heart I have to learn to accept that she was a blessing, and is still a blessing as she continues to watch over him.
Thanks for stopping by, and enjoy . . .
Not just one, but two
My gratitude to you
I know who you are
Always watching over him
From near and afar
I did my share of cleansing
Allowing pure light in
Considered now a blessing
Healing souls can begin
You may want to read my post “Blackout”
It was 5:15 a.m., on a Wednesday morning, in the fine month of July, 1999. I woke up fairly early to the very familiar sensation I’d experienced just three short years prior. I thought, “Are you kidding me??!!”. This was planned to be my last week at work, where I was to have three glorious weeks off to continue my nesting stage, in preparation for the arrival of my second son. Instead, I had to inform work that my maternity leave had started NOW! I felt badly having to put all the responsibility and workload on one other staff person, but when baby wants out, baby wants out! Pop went the weasel! Yes, my water broke, and I laid in bed surrounded in all its liquified warmth. A dramatic wake up call, thanks to my baby boy! Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to rearrange all the furniture in the boys’ room by myself. I recall there being a solid oak, twin-sized trundle bed, a baby crib/toddler bed with attached dresser/changing table, another dresser/changing table, a desk, and a book shelf. I put my back against most, pushed with my legs to manuever, and tried not to really lift anything. Yes, my husband had warned me not to do anything too strenuous, but what pregnant woman in her right mind ever listened to reason! Regardless, I didn’t do any of this the night before or even that week, so I was guilt-free.
It was summer and I had a very bad cold. Can you imagine how miserable it was to suffer from severe cold symptoms while being pregnant during the HOT summer month of July? For those who can relate, you know exactly what I’m talking about. On top of that, I worked full time 1400-0030 hours, my back ached 24/7, and I was raising my 3-year old son. Everything was beyond my control at this point. I gently woke my husband, or at least I don’t remember being hysterical. So, yes, I gently woke my husband to let him know it was time, once again, to get my tush to the hospital. Same scenario as with my first son, my body began its random, uncontrollable twitching/jerking. Not only was it annoying, it made me so tired and achey.
Stuffy and snotty-nosed, I arrived at the maternity ward. As I was being prepped by the nurses, they discovered that baby was in the posterior position, otherwise referred to as sunny-side up. Not the position preferred for a natural delivery. Oh wait, that’s right, he was THREE WEEKS EARLY!! Worried that baby may not change his position in time for birth, the nurses proceeded to manually change baby’s position. I remember that being a VERY weird feeling, but really, my focus had been on the snot running out of my nose, as I was positioned on all fours on the bed unable to wipe my face. I was so damn congested, and not having much fun.
Fast forward to 5:45 p.m. Due to my labor having progressed beautifully, my doctor assumed I’d be the first delivery in the ward that day. What have we all been taught when we assume?? That’s right, you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”. I ended up being the last delivery for my doctor for the day. Hey, he’s the one who jinxed it! I had a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Specifically, I ended up having an episiotomy to assist with the delivery, and of course ended up tearing all the way down. I can distinctly remember the feeling of relief once his head and shoulders (not the shampoo) came out. The rest was smooth sailing!
My husband cut the umbilical cord, and I have the photo taken by one of the nurses. I delivered a 6 lb. 4oz., bouncing, crying, baby boy! Poor guy was jaundiced and eventually went under the tanning lights with his little eye covers. If he had been full term, he’d easily had weighed 10 lb. for sure! Again, I didn’t lose the 30+ pounds, I had gracefully packed on during the nine months, instantly. Needless to say, I still looked questionably pregnant, and joked that his twin was shy and was waiting to make his appearance! On a serious note, due to having the episiotomy and having torn, I lost more blood than the norm. My body temperature dropped considerably and my blood pressure lowered. Discussion of a blood transfusion was possible if my vitals didn’t improve. Luckily, about an hour later, my vitals became stable and continued to improve. It explained why the Godfather-to-be didn’t have an ecstatic and happy expression on his face when he walked into the room, but rather more a look of fear. My husband later told me, the delivery room floor was a mess and mostly in the color red. Graphic, but true.
I was discharged after three nights stay, but my baby had to stay one more night. Being the great Mom, I pumped milk at home and brought it to the hospital. Once baby was discharge, I was too impatient to wait any longer for my husband to arrive after work. It had been several hours and decided to call my Dad to drive to the hospital, park his car, then drive my car around the lot to the curb entrance to load baby and me. My parents lived closer to the hospital than I did, so it should’ve been a piece of cake. I think because my Dad was used to driving a manual transmission car, he was not familiar with my Jeep Cherokee automatic transmission car. He was a two-footed driver. I also believe him suffering from undiagnosed A.D.H.D., contributed to what happened next. As I was waiting at the hospital entrance curbside while sitting in the hospital wheelchair and holding my precious baby, I watched my Dad start my car, saw rear brake lights flicker on and off, saw and heard rear wheels spinning and emitting burnt rubber smoke in the rear. I asked out loud, “What is he doing??!!” to the nurse. Next thing I saw, was my car drive over the cement parking stop, down and through the grass embankment, over the sidewalk and into the street!!! I heard a few crunching metal noises, but all was out of my view at this point. It was around 12:00 p.m. and fortunately, hospital staff were outside taking lunch breaks. Several people ran to my Dad and assisted him. The Jeep had traveled into the path of two parked, unoccupied vehicles, and ended up flipped onto its right side. Men pulled my Dad up and out from the driver side. My Dad was shaken up, but not injured. He was checked out in E.R. and was fine. I must’ve been in shock because I finally broke into tears when I had to call my husband on the phone. This was before we owned cell phones.
After being without a second car for almost a month, we bought our first Volvo S70. My maternity leave was cut short because now we had a new car payment – boo! If you’ve read this far, thank you for hanging in there, you’re almost to the end!
My son is now sixteen years old. He went from a non-stop, active, out-spoken, not-a-good-listener, poop-in-the-corner, accident prone, hilarious toddler and young boy . . . into a mild-mannered, very good listener, talented drummer, wanna-be-chef, girl crazed, hilarious young man! He’s my awesome gift, and I’ll love and cherish him always. It’s never been a dull moment, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. ♡
You may also like “Heart & Soul“
Try as I might, but it never fails. When someone’s attitude is more on the negative side, aimed towards other people in the household – yes, it affects me, and I will react accordingly. I know it’s not about me, but can’t help to react verbally defensively. The movie, “Multiplicity”, just came on TV. This movie came on at the perfect moment. I truly believe it was no a coincidence!! If you haven’t seen it yet, please put it on your “To Do” list. That person has calmed down now, but now I need to reach that lower level. Give me strength!! Thanks for letting me share my venting.
What do you all do when someone starts “attacking” emotionally out of the blue? When actually the main purpose or goal was to ask for help?
So happy that we decided to have an impromptu rendezvous! No, this photo was not the result of our encounter! I chose this photo-booth photo in honor of tradition for social media’s #FlashBackFriday. I feel that it captures our never ending, young-at-heart, twenty-five plus years of marriage, kind of relationship. He still makes my heart go pitter-patter, and I melt every time he first enters the room. Don’t get me wrong, we’re only human and we do have our moments, but for the majority of the time, we get along just splendidly! We have to work it, baby, to make it work!! Peace and love, out!
Over-worked, short-staffed, body aches, and very tired. Oh, but this just describes another day in my life while at my day/night job (I mean, my career). Lord only knows how I keep my sanity!
Rewind to a few days ago. I was having a conversation with my teenage son about planning my next transition into a new career. If all goes smoothly, this will happen next year when I turn the big 5-0. I’m excited with anticipation, looking forward to new challenges, experiences and meeting new people. I don’t know how else to explain it, but I feel like I’m going to get a new toy or something. Better yet, the feeling of being told to go on a shopping spree without a budget! YES!! So, my son tells me that I’d be perfect at my next career job because I’m so professional. Compliment number one of the week! Basically, my son is referring to my office voice, which both my sons make fun of on the rare occasion. What I do well at, is being able to lose my SoCal Valley Girl slang, and actually annunciate the verbiage coming out of my man-pleaser (I mean my pie-hole) while I am at work, or on the phone at home conducting business. Shut up!! I know, right??!!
Fast forward to last night. Again, over-worked, very tired, achy, etc., you get the picture. A co-worker enters the office, and we all make small talk. After sharing my anticipation of a career move, he, yes I said HE, was surprised of my age! He gave me the scrunching-eyebrow-raising look, and preceded to tell me that he thought I was ten years younger than my actual age. Compliment number two!! I never feel the need to lie about my age because it’s just a number. I’m young at heart and of mind. My sons tease me about liking music that teenaged girls would like. To that I say, “Damn straight!” It’s my body’s joints that need a good oiling for better mobility and to stop the cracking sounds. Hell, I’ll admit it, Ben Gay can be a lifesaver!
Today’s lesson and a reminder to everyone, kind words and out-of-the-blue compliments can make someone happy inside. As you can see, it works wonders for me!
Peace, love and Bobby Sherman. ❤